a shout-out to cereal, hummus, and salads

i crave salads. that's strange, i know. but really. there are 2 salads in this city that i am absolutely in love with, and i actively crave these salads. they're both greek-based salads, and just make me happy on the inside.

the first is from ogden street south, and is, in fact, their greek salad. for a bar, it is seriously the best salad i've ever had. lettuce, tomato, onion, olives, green pepper, cucumber, feta, and chicken souvlaki. the chicken is what makes this salad. the spices add this amazing flavor, and while it's probably soaked in oil, i can't help but love it. the dressing is a simply oil and vinegar with spices, and i don't even use dressing on the salad most of the time.

the second is from cafe terracotta, and was my lunch today. it's a bed of mixed greens topped with cucumber, tomatoes, artichokes, olives, onions, feta, and homemade hummus. it comes with a pita and tzatziki sauce, and i order mine without dressing because it doesn't need it. the hummus is not oily, nor too dry, and it has nice roasted garlic and spices in it.

hummus deserves its own shout - who knew i loved ground up chickpeas?

and finally, as the title indicates, there is a fair chance that i could live on dry cereal. it's so crunchy, and makes for the perfect snack when you want a handful of something and just can't figure out what to have.

oh, i've also discovered dark chocolate roasted almonds from emerald. yah. they make me happy too, in a healthy, less processed but still getting my chocolate fix sort of way.

i love food.

there are worse ways to start a monday

the weekend underground is the best thing for my sanity. holy cow - i feel a million times better than i did by the end of last week. and for a monday, it's actually been a decent day. why this monday isn't so bad:

1. i slept like 12 hours on saturday night and feel recharged for the week.
2. pumpkin spice latte. no need to say more.
3. the roller derby on saturday night was a new experience and totally awesome. now to find other bouts!
4. my lovely friend gabrielle is engaged! and she's super excited about it, which makes me really happy for her. her fiance is a fantastic man, and they're a great match.
5. the new girl is quitting. and it doesn't look like the bosses are attempting to convince her to stay, as they have at least 2 times before. while i'm sorry she had a hard time succeeding here, i also think her background is better suited for another organization.

this week in pi phi: stress eating edition

holy hostess cupcakes. i have been stress eating like a monster the last couple days. and i'd like to thank my pi phi alum club for that.

work, for once, has not been the bane of my existence. i've been plugging right along, and while things have been falling apart more than i'd like them to, things haven't been incredibly overwhelming. life seems to be good - my boyfriend and i have been dating for 10 months, i'm dealing better with my brother's impending nuptials, and i've been celebrating every moment i can with my best friend, who is getting married in just about 6 weeks.

but then there's pi phi. the one thing that i look forward to and the one thing that is causing me to pull my hair out this year. i'm in charge of a lot of coordination as our club's VP this year, and what i've been tried to consolidate and make more functional is turning out to be more trouble than help. people are stepping back from their jobs and are complaining. someone made a comment that i'm pushing change because i want to control everything and not give anyone else any power. and frankly, that hurts my feelings.

i'm just as busy as anyone else. i have volunteer obligations. i have work obligations. i have life obligations. but i've made a commitment to pi phi, and if that eats up all my other free time while i figure out my job, then so be it. but i shouldn't have to do my job as VP, and the communications job, and the web admin job, and the president's job because she decides to go to italy for 14 days, followed by a 10-day trip to mexico for a friend's wedding.

so, i've eaten. it's more about portion control than what i'm turning to, as there are few things in my house that are less than healthy for me. luckily, i have the workout minutes to compensate, but it's still not a healthy habit. and frankly, i've run out of ideas of what to do instead. i can only take so many walks.

things i experienced for the first time this weekend

1. recruitment at a big school is an ordeal. and frankly, kind of terrifying. i sat through a dress rehearsal of colorado alpha's skit for rush prior to their chapter cookie shine, and wow. i give those girls major props. they have worked SO hard. and their recruitment chair - or whoever had to choreograph that - gets uber kudos. 80-90 girls, dancing, singing - overwhelming. we would have NEVER pulled that off. hats off to any big school pi phi. however, it does go to reaffirming the fact that at any other school, there's a huge chance that i would have never been a pi phi.

2. winning a wiffle ball game. yes, the notorious 0-7 helicopter trout managed to pull off a mighty win in the summer-end tournament, defeating the #2 seed 5-4. we staged a massive underdog coup so the gray team could take home bragging rights this year. this is good news, as we no longer have to change our name to "the ego boosters."

3. bachelorette parties. just make sure the bride has fun. and smile, even when you're completely out of your comfort zone.

4. a "club" downtown. while i've been to many a downtown bar, i've never been to one that was of the line-out-the-door, cover-charge-paying variety. mostly because i refuse to pay cover on a place that's going to charge me $5-7 for a bottle of beer anyway. there are certain times i will pay cover: ladies night at the rose, because i drink for free for the modest door charge of $5; at sing sing, because i enjoy the show. that's really about all. but even without the cover charge, i'd stay out of these places for one thing, and one thing alone: the crowd. the sweaty, smelly, drunk crowd that touches you constantly, that will not move when you're trying to get to the door, and spills their drinks everywhere. as a point of future reference, if anyone ever thinks that it is a good idea to put one of these places on a list of pub crawl choices for anything celebrating me, they will be shunned.

that's a lot of "firsts" for one weekend. maybe we can keep it to one a week from here on out. i'm at my quota for september.

looking back and moving forward.

after a very nice note from a silent follower (which totally made my day, btw :D), i decided to go back and read my blog. i haven't done that in a very long time, and when i get the occasional note from someone regarding what i've written, i like to remind myself what i've shared with the world.

it's amazing to me how things can change. i used to loathe the gym. i was scared of what it meant, and the people that forced themselves into such torture. hello - i'm the person who forces herself into such torture. at least 3 times a week. and usually with a trainer or a workout buddy. and it's not torture. or that i used to push myself to get 30 minutes of walking in twice a week. and now my day of rest IS a 30-minute walk. and the beer diet doesn't work any more - which is the saddest part of all.

and of course, some things never change. even early in this battle (some say it's a journey, but it's a battle), i would have my weeks/months of not wanting to be on plan or making bad choices or not tracking. but the change now is that every point counts - and shows up on the scale when i eat it. at 280 lbs, i was still consistently eating fewer enough calories to see big scale drops even on bad weeks. at 180 lbs, i have to be much more vigilant - even with amount of exercise i do every week. i am still battling emotional eating, especially when it comes to "getting back" at someone.

things that i had wished would/wouldn't happen that have:
- not being recognized by someone i spent a fair amount of time with in/around
- being hit on by creepers, including one who propositioned me to be his mistress and called me a "total fucking hottie."

oh, and things that will NEVER change - it's all about me. and i love shoes.

best quote i found: "just do it, damnit!"

34.2 lbs. that's all. that's all i have to dominate. so just do it, damnit.

3 years ago...

monday was my 3-year "anniversary" on the weight watchers plan. and it's actually really bittersweet. all in all, i know i should be happy - in that time, my loss has hit the 178-lb mark. i've gone from a size 28 to a size 10/12. i'm in the best shape of my life, from both a strength and cardio perspective.

unfortunately, i have a lot of negative thoughts in my head that are blocking my celebration. the biggest is that this has not been a good year. since labor day of last year, i have not lost a single pound. since january 1st, i've actually gained weight - nearly 20 lbs. - with much of that happening since may 1st. summer has not been good for my willpower, and has felt like a steady barrage of birthdays, weddings, barbecues, and busy-ness that has allowed me to make a steady stream of unhealthy food choices, and has put my motivation and willpower into a tailspin. of course, it's all a negative reinforcement cycle, and the less willpower and motivation i have, the worse i feel about my self-image, confidence, and the rest.

i know i've come a long way. i carry my before picture around in my WW book to prove it. but i have to look at this as day 1. day "i've never done weight watchers, so let's see how this works." i know that i can knock off these last (sigh) 40 pounds. i know that this time right now - between labor day and thanksgiving - is my best chance at making something happen. i have 11 weeks. exactly. and i know i can lose at least 10 lbs between now and thanksgiving day.

i start at 189.2 (since i'm not weighing in this week, due to the water retention).

a mild case of the blues

i'm not particularly happy today. i wasn't yesterday, either. i'm not all-out, i need to cry until my eyeballs fall out sad, but i am sad. and as far as i can tell, there's no real reason behind it.

i do have times when i'm just quiet. contemplative. adam says i'm "weird" on these days, but really, i'm just not as upbeat and such. i spent most of last week stressed out and pissed off, and it was nice to have a weekend without any drama, work or otherwise. but the quiet also gives room to think, and sometimes, that just puts me into the blues.

my relationship with my mom is different, and while i haven't said anything to her, i feel like we haven't had an actual conversation in a long time. and i miss that.

my best friend gets married in almost exactly two months. i haven't had a real conversation with her in at least three weeks. i know friendships change as relationships grow, kids come into the picture, etc. but i miss what we used to have.

my brother and his fiancee have started looking at houses to buy. she's still in school full-time, and he currently has contract work only. and that'll only last as long as the paving season lasts, and then he may or may not have a job. yes, he has a fair amount of money saved from while he was in iraq. yes, he gets VA assistance because he's a vet. yes, they're getting married, and it makes sense. but it's weird to me that he's "ahead" of me in this lifestage - the getting married, the settling down, etc. it's actually making me feel like less of a grown-up because i don't have my own house yet. and it's making me think that maybe i am ready for owning a house. but it's a huge, scary proposition. and i really don't want the mortgage lender to tell me that i can only qualify for $100k or something. it's an irrational fear - because i'm just making up stories right now.

i've tried the exercise. and as much as i'm trying to steer clear of the chocolate, i'm not being overly successful. we'll see. in the end, it's probably just PMS.

really?!

i am tired.

i am frustrated.

i want people to think for themselves and stop to read and/or listen, and stop asking the same questions over and over.

i want to feel like i have an opinion that people will take into consideration, as opposed to completely just disregard.

and the thing is that it's not even work that's bothering me. in fact, i'd rather just hole up in my office and pretend like the rest of the world doesn't exist. because it's the rest of the world that is driving me fucking batty.

i miss my vacation.