i have hit a mental wall.

i'm mostly on plan, but not 100% committed.

i don't what's causing my mental block, but it would sure be great if i could figure out how to get over this bump in the road.

disappearing.

i am in a funk.

i have no motivation, and i've grown rather apathetic in the last few weeks. i haven't been diligent about anything WW-related, and feel like i've lost my reasoning why this is what i want to be doing. it's cheaper and easier to eat the crap food, even though i feel like trash afterwards. i don't know what to do to kickstart myself back into high gear.

it's frustrating.

picture time!

i took a really cute picture last week when my friend was in town (and we were at the bar... surprise, surprise), and it prompted a "let's put up some new photos" thought. so, here we go:

may 2007, 6 months prior to WW:


march 2008, 6 months into WW, 65ish lbs lost:


july 2008, 94 lbs lost:


amazing.

and that's what happens

i've "kind of" been on plan this last week. it was a holiday weekend, and i was, at best, getting in my water and veggies every day. and i consumed a LOT of alcohol. again. for about the 4th week in a row. and it showed: i lost a small .4 lbs this week (tiny after 3 weeks of averaging 3 lbs lost each week).

i was trying to figure out how this week has been different than the proceeding weeks, and the fact is that even though i ate out a bunch over the proceeding weeks, i also still ate at home a fair amount. this week, though, i ate out EVERY SINGLE DAY. seriously.

last thursday: baseball game. ice cream and 2 beers.
last friday: the 4th. 1.5 hotdogs and 1 hamburger, a bunch of chips, 3 beers, and a margarita
saturday: baseball game. ice cream and 2 beers.
sunday: baseball game. ice cream and 1 beer. chicken enchiladas.
monday: dinner at grandma's - roast beef, asparagus in velveeta, oven roasted potatoes in oil
tuesday: bar night. 4 beers. a bunch of chips and guacamole.
wednesday: chipotle.

that was my week. add in minimal structured exercise, and it's pretty amazing that i even managed a .4 loss.

it's time to get back to the basics. i hear myself say that, but it really and truly is. i need to make time for structured exercise. less beer, more water. better choices when eating out. make a plan! track. every day, after every meal. not all at the end of the day.

it's going to be a big week. i need to make time for me, and remember why it is that i'm on this journey in the first place. and what i want in the end.

i want to eat EVERYTHING

i'm in a munchy kind of mood. not for any particular reason, and i have a feeling that it's eating out of boredom, but really have a strong desire for cheese pizza (extra cheese) and nasty gooey greasy food. or a bag of cheetos. either way. i could be a black hole today, and i'm doing my best to stay out of the kitchen and away from the food. i'm not eating, but i know it's there. could make for a long evening....

i went swimming yesterday for the first time in probably 3 years. it's been a LONG time since i pulled on a swim suit and got in the water - strange since i swam competitively for about 8 years of my life. it was glorious. i forgot how much fun being in the water is, and how relaxing just chillin' there is. let's do it again!

must make myself go for a walk, and should probably get my ironing done.