how to avoid getting comfortable

i'm out of motivation. external motivation, that is. my internal stuff is still there - but mostly because after 2 years, it's weird when i don't track, or don't get some kind of exercise, or eat things that are ridiculously bad for me. i'm just feeling like i'm out of reasons to keep going on the last 36 lbs that i want to lose. my leader, michelle, calls this more of an attitude plateau than anything, and i know i'll get over it (i have in the past), but i'm just feeling like i'm getting too comfortable with where i am right now.

since i don't have any big events - no friends getting married, no vacations, no reunions or people to impress - i need to figure out a way to re-energize my weight loss. the only way i can think to keep this going is to set a new goal - a big goal - and work toward that.

when the clock strikes midnight on december 31, 2009, where do i want to be, weight-wise? let's look at the year so far. as of today, i have lost 42 lbs in 2009. in the last 12 months, i have lost 63 lbs. that means between august 24 and december 31 in 2008, i lost 21 lbs. is that a feasible goal for the last 16 weeks of 2009? if i continue to lose at the rate i've lost so far this year, an average of 1.3 lbs per week, yes, that is exactly how much i should lose between now and then. is it feasible for me to hit my goal weight this year? that's an average of 2.25 lbs/week - too much, i think. i'm not supposed to lose more than 1% of my body weight a week to stay in a "healthy loss." right now, that's 1.8 lbs/week.

my average loss per week for the entire 2 years i've been on WW has been 1.6 lbs/week. i'm going to shoot for that - it puts me at roughly 26 lbs by the end of the year. is it too much? ask me in 16 weeks? so there it is. i want to be within 10 lbs of goal by the end of the year - 161 lbs.

life 2 years later

in roughly 2 weeks, i celebrate my 2-year anniversary as a WW member. it has been the craziest, longest, most exhausting, and most rewarding 2 years of my life. in addition to the friends i've made in my meetings, i've made the most amazing group of friends from my online world. i've only met one, but love every single one of them as though we've known each other our whole lives.

in summary:
i have lost nearly 165 lbs in the last 2 years.
i've gone from a size 28/30 to a 12/14.
i have no idea how many inches i've lost, but i know i've lost 7% body fat in the last 2 months, just from adding strength training to my routine.

my life is completely different. i can't stand being at home laying around on the couch; i can climb a mountain without dying. i can wear my friends' clothes, go shopping in regular stores, and am so much more confident. i've started dating, i'm not afraid of being out and being social, and crowds bother me just a little bit less. i'm still uber claustrophobic, but not nearly as bad as before. i can comfortably sit in an airplane, and don't feel like i'm taking up all the air when i sit in a small car.

i'm not going to lie; i've never been happier.

wow.

i did something tonight that i haven't done in a really really really long time. i ate myself sick. i've been extra snacky for the last week or so, and have a good idea as to why that's been occurring (along with the constant craving for chocolate and salt). tonight, however, was different. i ate and ate and ate, and for whatever reason, couldn't quench that thirst for food. now, i'm laying in bed, sick to my stomach, and not even wanting to sleep because i feel so gross.

i'm not sure what brought it on. i'm not emotional about anything, and it really truly could just be hormones, but it's very odd that i couldn't bring myself to stop. i was very conscious of what i was doing, but my stomach overpowered my will power tonight.

it happens, but i need to make sure i don't let it happen again this week. i've already had a big food week, what with the eating out i've been doing, so if i see a gain this week, i know it's all my fault. hm. no good.