i know. i haven't updated in awhile. i've been really up and down lately, emotions-wise, and i've been avoiding practically everyone and everything.
first things first - i hit my 50 lb. weight loss mark! i hit it last week, after the ridiculous week of sickness. i lost 4 lbs, probably due to the fact that i did nothing but drink water and eat soup and oatmeal. so that was a huge step for me - now to push past it, and get back into the 200s.
this week, however, was not as great. i've been overwhelmed at work, and i'm completely stressing out over my move, which makes me do two things: not pack, and eat. i thought i was getting a pretty good handle on my emotional eating, but it seems i have more work to do. granted, i didn't gain this week, which is a great thing, but i know i had a bad week in terms of my choices. my "week" resets today, so it's time to work through the emotion, get through the move, and get back on track with my eating. and snack on healthy things - not whatever i can manage to get my grubby little paws on...
31 January 2008
22 January 2008
out of commission
at least i'm standing today. not for long periods, but i'm not stuck to the couch any more.
it's been a long time since a cold took me out of commission for 4 days. i'm still pretty sick, but i'm on the mend and feel much better than i did even yesterday.
i've completely abandoned WW while i've been sick. rephrase: i've completely abandoned food while i've been sick. except for soup and oatmeal. mmmmm.
in other news: i'm really upset by the fact that they found heath ledger dead in his apartment this afternoon. all my teenage fantasies just went up in smoke. he was my first real hollywood crush, thanks to "10 things i hate about you." sadness.
it's been a long time since a cold took me out of commission for 4 days. i'm still pretty sick, but i'm on the mend and feel much better than i did even yesterday.
i've completely abandoned WW while i've been sick. rephrase: i've completely abandoned food while i've been sick. except for soup and oatmeal. mmmmm.
in other news: i'm really upset by the fact that they found heath ledger dead in his apartment this afternoon. all my teenage fantasies just went up in smoke. he was my first real hollywood crush, thanks to "10 things i hate about you." sadness.
18 January 2008
holy macaroni, batman!
i lost 2 lbs this week! given that i've been pmsing all week, it's some kind of miracle. but i guess being in a bad mood doesn't necessarily equate to a bad number on the scales. i stayed away from a lot of my trigger foods, so that's a plus. now to stay on track as i get close to the -50 mark...
in other news: i'm sick. again. this time it's a chest cold, with some flu symptoms. the last time i had a chest cold, it lasted for 8 months and became chronic bronchitis. super way to spend your senior year of college. i have to watch that this doesn't flare up into more than a sore throat and cough. god knows i don't need to add a batch of inhaled steroids to my daily routine.
in other news: i'm sick. again. this time it's a chest cold, with some flu symptoms. the last time i had a chest cold, it lasted for 8 months and became chronic bronchitis. super way to spend your senior year of college. i have to watch that this doesn't flare up into more than a sore throat and cough. god knows i don't need to add a batch of inhaled steroids to my daily routine.
16 January 2008
i hate people.
i'm in a bad mood. a pretty fantastically bad mood. aka pms.
hence the reason i want cheesesticks and chocolate more than anything else on the planet. and the reason why i've been annoyed by pretty much everyone all week.
i'm generally a pretty laidback person. sure, i get ticked about things, and i have a not-so-great case of road rage, but most things roll off my back without much of a second thought. not so today. i'm all wound up about having to move my office down the hall. mostly because i wasn't a part of the conversation about moving down the hall (it's long and convoluted, i'll spare most of the details), and because i have to move from a nice-sized office into a little time hole in the wall that shouldn't even qualify as an office. meeting/interviewing people constitutes a large part of my job; i can't meet with people in the hole down the hall. how is that (other than being close to the "team") helpful to me accomplishing my work?
normally, i'd be well into a tub of moose tracks ice cream. i haven't had moose tracks ice cream since september. and a small piece of me just died as i typed that statement. how can a person go 5 months almost without having your favorite ice cream in the world? because i've changed my eating habits so much, that i don't even walk down the ice cream aisle. and i'd probably get really sick from that much fat now.
i still want the damned ice cream right now though.
hence the reason i want cheesesticks and chocolate more than anything else on the planet. and the reason why i've been annoyed by pretty much everyone all week.
i'm generally a pretty laidback person. sure, i get ticked about things, and i have a not-so-great case of road rage, but most things roll off my back without much of a second thought. not so today. i'm all wound up about having to move my office down the hall. mostly because i wasn't a part of the conversation about moving down the hall (it's long and convoluted, i'll spare most of the details), and because i have to move from a nice-sized office into a little time hole in the wall that shouldn't even qualify as an office. meeting/interviewing people constitutes a large part of my job; i can't meet with people in the hole down the hall. how is that (other than being close to the "team") helpful to me accomplishing my work?
normally, i'd be well into a tub of moose tracks ice cream. i haven't had moose tracks ice cream since september. and a small piece of me just died as i typed that statement. how can a person go 5 months almost without having your favorite ice cream in the world? because i've changed my eating habits so much, that i don't even walk down the ice cream aisle. and i'd probably get really sick from that much fat now.
i still want the damned ice cream right now though.
15 January 2008
omg.
i am craving papa john's cheesesticks like nobody's business. in all their greasy, cheesy, delicious goodness.
:drools:
:drools:
why is this such a big deal?
i got absolutely annoyed with my grandmother last night. over a compliment. yep. she was telling me that she could really see that my face and neck were looking thinner and i got really annoyed about it.
i've been told, by one of my best friends no less, that i'm really bad about taking compliments. and i know where that comes from. it's called the negative self-image. and i have a bad case of it. i think i look gross, and i hate my haircut, so why would anyone else think it's a good cut, let alone think I'M pretty?
i always thought that weight loss was something extremely personal - why would i want anyone else involved in it? and i didn't. still don't, on most things. surprisingly, i don't mind sharing my journey with the other people at WW because they're on a similar journey and have experienced similar challenges in their lives. i don't even mind sharing with my mom, because we've become good friends over the last 2 years and i know she gets it. but i do mind sharing with people who really have no business in my business. like my co-workers. or even the rest of my family. and you know why i don't want to share with them? BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO TAKE THE COMPLIMENTS! how ridiculous is that?
why is it so hard for me to take a compliment? i mean, really. all i have to do is say "thanks" and go on my way. but i can't. i get annoyed. like they're just trying to tell me things they think i want to hear so that i'll "feel better." which makes me think that the compliments aren't genuine. i know that's all my stuff to deal with, because seriously, who hates being complimented?
i've been told, by one of my best friends no less, that i'm really bad about taking compliments. and i know where that comes from. it's called the negative self-image. and i have a bad case of it. i think i look gross, and i hate my haircut, so why would anyone else think it's a good cut, let alone think I'M pretty?
i always thought that weight loss was something extremely personal - why would i want anyone else involved in it? and i didn't. still don't, on most things. surprisingly, i don't mind sharing my journey with the other people at WW because they're on a similar journey and have experienced similar challenges in their lives. i don't even mind sharing with my mom, because we've become good friends over the last 2 years and i know she gets it. but i do mind sharing with people who really have no business in my business. like my co-workers. or even the rest of my family. and you know why i don't want to share with them? BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO TAKE THE COMPLIMENTS! how ridiculous is that?
why is it so hard for me to take a compliment? i mean, really. all i have to do is say "thanks" and go on my way. but i can't. i get annoyed. like they're just trying to tell me things they think i want to hear so that i'll "feel better." which makes me think that the compliments aren't genuine. i know that's all my stuff to deal with, because seriously, who hates being complimented?
14 January 2008
there are times i feel like eating the entire cupboard...
and i used to. all the time. probably why i hit 350 lbs at the age of 24. how embarrassing. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?!
the fact is that i know exactly how it happened. i have no idea how to eat a well-balanced, healthy meal, other than ordering the occasional salad at dinner. add on the sedentary lifestyle of college, dorm food, and alcohol, and suddenly, a girl who was moderately overweight in high school was suddenly grossly obese. with not a single skill to live a healthy life on my own.
i would not admit i had a problem. sure, my cholesterol was inching ever closer to 200, and my blood pressure was high, but i felt fine. i could eat, and watch tv, and i didn't get winded going up and down stairs. i was fine. then i started traveling for my first post-college job - and i couldn't buckle the seatbelts on the airplane. have you ever had to ask for a seatbelt extender? now that's a humbling/humiliating experience. so i started buying more vegetables and i bought some workout DVDs. and then i stopped buying veggies and bought more cookies, and i used the workout DVDs twice. and i didn't change a single bit of my lifestyle.
I AM 24! i'm supposed to be cute and thin and love going out to bars and parties. i'm NOT supposed to be 350 pounds, a size 28/30, and so FAT that i can't even buckle the seatbelts on the airplane!
i was looking for some way to change my life, but i was completely prejudiced against the thought of having to talk to someone about something i thought was a super personal journey/problem. maybe i could just do jenny craig and just eat whatever they told me to. or go to LA weight loss and take their magic pills or supplements or whatever. all good ideas, except that they're really expensive and i'm, well, broke.
my mom, unbeknownst to me, had started going back to weight watchers in may 2007, after having great success on it back in the late 90s. when my grandma died in 2002, she had given up and gained it all back. she offered to pay for me to go with her to weight watchers, and though i was really leery of it at first, i agreed to go. i had no idea what my weight was, but assumed it was around 300 lbs. and can i just tell you that stepping on that scale and seeing it hit 350 was the scariest, darkest, worst moment of my entire life?
i've been working the weight watchers program for over 4 months now, and i've lost more than 40 lbs. i've still got a LONG way to go to get to a healthy BMI, but at least i've started. have you?
the fact is that i know exactly how it happened. i have no idea how to eat a well-balanced, healthy meal, other than ordering the occasional salad at dinner. add on the sedentary lifestyle of college, dorm food, and alcohol, and suddenly, a girl who was moderately overweight in high school was suddenly grossly obese. with not a single skill to live a healthy life on my own.
i would not admit i had a problem. sure, my cholesterol was inching ever closer to 200, and my blood pressure was high, but i felt fine. i could eat, and watch tv, and i didn't get winded going up and down stairs. i was fine. then i started traveling for my first post-college job - and i couldn't buckle the seatbelts on the airplane. have you ever had to ask for a seatbelt extender? now that's a humbling/humiliating experience. so i started buying more vegetables and i bought some workout DVDs. and then i stopped buying veggies and bought more cookies, and i used the workout DVDs twice. and i didn't change a single bit of my lifestyle.
I AM 24! i'm supposed to be cute and thin and love going out to bars and parties. i'm NOT supposed to be 350 pounds, a size 28/30, and so FAT that i can't even buckle the seatbelts on the airplane!
i was looking for some way to change my life, but i was completely prejudiced against the thought of having to talk to someone about something i thought was a super personal journey/problem. maybe i could just do jenny craig and just eat whatever they told me to. or go to LA weight loss and take their magic pills or supplements or whatever. all good ideas, except that they're really expensive and i'm, well, broke.
my mom, unbeknownst to me, had started going back to weight watchers in may 2007, after having great success on it back in the late 90s. when my grandma died in 2002, she had given up and gained it all back. she offered to pay for me to go with her to weight watchers, and though i was really leery of it at first, i agreed to go. i had no idea what my weight was, but assumed it was around 300 lbs. and can i just tell you that stepping on that scale and seeing it hit 350 was the scariest, darkest, worst moment of my entire life?
i've been working the weight watchers program for over 4 months now, and i've lost more than 40 lbs. i've still got a LONG way to go to get to a healthy BMI, but at least i've started. have you?
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