the late night snack monster

i've had a recent fight with the late-night snack monster. i don't know if he comes to visit because he knows i'm bored, or if i'm just not planning my dinner meals appropriately. usually, i'm good about having one late night snack - but recently, i've been craving salt, which means the potato chips become a big ol' red light food for me. i've been good about tracking (other than that bowl of cereal i had last night at 9:30...) everything i eat, but i'm eating away points that i don't necessarily need to spend.

time for a re-eval. i need to figure out what's causing my salt cravings, look at my dinners so they include more filling foods, and STAY OUT OF THE KITCHEN. bah.

how to be an inspiration

my new WW leader keeps telling me that i should think about writing my success story because i'd be an inspiration to other people. while people constantly ask me questions about my weight loss, and i'm happy to help them, i have a really hard time seeing myself as an inspiration. i have no big story to tell, no uber-moving motivation that made me change my ways. no kids that "need" me; no doctor telling me that if i didn't change something, i'd die. i was tired of being fat. that's it.

WW hasn't been hard for me. i was ready to make the change. the weight has fallen off consistently over the last 18 months. sure, i've hit some rough patches, but i've stayed the course. there's been some mental wrestling - finding new motivation, reminding myself what it was like 143 lbs ago - but i've never wanted to just give up. how does that help someone who is on the verge of just plain giving up?

my mental block to this exercise exists in another form as well - i still have 50+ lbs to lose. i don't think it's fair to claim the "i'm a success" card until i've actually hit my goal and had to maintain it for a little bit. that's a whole new can of worms. just because i can get it off doesn't mean i can keep it off.

am i making too much of this?

woo hoo!

tonight was a pretty big milestone for me - i've lost 10% of my body weight 5 times. which is a huge number - 143 lbs! that's more than some of my friends already weigh. which is a little bit scary - thinking that i was essentially carrying one of them around on my back for the last few years.

things are different now - i'm taking care of myself, i make better choices, and i actually give a rat's ass about how i look. not that i didn't before, but it's so much easier when clothes actually fit.

i'm still working on things - i've still got about 50 lbs to lose. and it's going to be a hard 50 lbs to lose. but i feel great - so awesome as i head into my 27th year on the planet.

where i've been

i know - it's been more than a month than i had anything to say. most of that had to do with march being about the busiest month on record. i was going a million miles an hour, and it really went by without me realizing it.

summer is back - and it's my favorite time of the year. i know what you're thinking - it's hardly april! but baseball started last Monday, and started here at home yesterday. and that's the first indication of summer for me. then comes dinner and drinks on the patio, late nights at the pool, and barbecues. my friends are out of school (a lot of them are teachers), and have more time for random outings. it's less of a fight with myself to go out and exercise because i'd rather be outside than inside. i love summer in Colorado, and i can hardly wait!