the great tooth debacle, part the last

it's official. i will have a front tooth on august 10, 2009. after a year and a half of ridiculousness. shall we track the timeline on this sucker?

feb 2008 - after about 3 months of putting it off, i finally mention to the dentist that the back of my right front tooth feels odd. he looks at it and says it's resorption - my tooth eating itself from the inside out (the opposite of a cavity). sends me to the endodontist.

mar 2008 - root canal, in 2 parts, to try to save my tooth. awesome. cost: $900.

sept 2008 - tooth starts to hurt; can't bite apples any more. fear tooth is broken, avoid the dentist.

oct 2008 - face swells, go to endodontist; he says the tooth must come out.

nov 2008 - after 2 rounds of amoxicillan and a round of clindomycin, face swelling finally chills and dentist can pull tooth. puts in bone grafting material, and i look like a hockey player and have plastic on the roof of my mouth, like i did from 5th grade thru college. cost: $1500

apr 2009 - my jaw bone is finally stable enough to hold a titanium post. awesome oral surgery. implant takes just fine. cost: $1000

july 2009 - implant officially declared a win - go to dentist for final set of impressions so crown can be made. told that 8/10/09 will be d-day. cost: $1400

aug 10, 2009 - best day ever. get new tooth, remove plastic from roof of mouth, get to see the rockies and the cubbies play for the 2nd time in 4 days. cost: priceless

trying to inspire, version 2

I’ll admit it – I live in a state of perpetual self-delusion. According to my mirror, I’ve always been a size 8. It didn’t matter that my face got a little rounder, or that I was wearing the largest size that the plus-size store carries. I slid on my size 28 jeans every day, and my mirror said I looked fabulous.

When I started traveling for my first post-college job, I found I couldn't buckle the airplane seatbelts. Have you ever had to ask for an extender? It’s humiliating, and was enough to shake my version of reality. What 24-year-old has to ask for a seatbelt extender? So I started buying more vegetables. I even bought some workout DVDs. And I didn't change my lifestyle a single bit.

After I moved back to Colorado, my mirror image continued to hide my waistline, and had me completely convinced that it was the thin mountain air that made me winded during a walk. In what could only be called a momentary lapse of reality, I agreed when my mom asked me to go with her to Weight Watchers. I was completely against the thought of talking to a group of strangers about my weight (which was not a problem!) – but I went.

I don’t know what I expected, but I do know that what I saw in the mirror was altered drastically when I stepped on the scale for the first time. The “Guess My Weight” game I had been playing was over, and all I could see was the 195-lb difference between the scale and what Weight Watchers said was a healthy BMI for my height. I didn’t cry; I was too shocked.

I’m still working on a new version of reality. The weight fell off at first, but after losing 50 pounds, I almost gave up. The scale said the plan was working, but I looked exactly the same. It took those “strangers” to remind me that my energy was up and my clothes were too big. I pushed through it, and in just about 21 months, I’ve lost almost 150 pounds. I actually eat more vegetables, and I consistently walk 3 miles in the thin mountain air. Thanks to Weight Watchers, I can live my life like any other 26-year-old. It still needs some work, but this girl is now far closer to the size 8 in the mirror than ever before.

trying to inspire, version 1

I live in a state of perpetual self-delusion. Instead of being the skinny girl constantly complaining of a phantom five pounds, I was the girl who slid on her size 28 jeans and saw a size 8 staring back in the mirror. Yes, my face was a little rounder than before. And yes, I was wearing the largest size that the plus-size store carries. But I was fine, right? Wrong. I was unhappy; I was just really good at convincing myself otherwise.

Due to what can only be called a lapse to reality, I agreed when my mom asked me to go with her to her Weight Watchers meeting. I didn’t know what I was in for, but I do know that reality hit hard when I stepped on the scale for the first time. The “Guess My Weight” game I had been playing in my head was finally given a concrete answer; all I could see was the 195-lb difference between what I weighed and what Weight Watchers said was a healthy BMI for my height. I didn’t cry; I was too shocked.

I’ve always thought that being “big” was in my genes. My parents have struggled with their weight most of their adult lives, so of course it wasn’t my fault. The trouble was, though, that it was my fault. I’m the one who went to college and chose the couch over the pool. I’m the one that drove across campus instead of walking. I’m the one who consciously ignored the fact that my pant size was climbing and I suddenly had to ask for a belt extender on an airplane. That number on the scale was no one’s fault by my own.

At first, the weight just fell off, which was more than encouraging. But after losing 50 pounds, I was ready to give up. The scale said the plan was working, but my self-delusion said I looked exactly the same. My mirror image didn’t realize that my energy was up, my clothes were too big, and I just felt better – so I pushed through the mental block. In just about 21 months, I’ve lost almost 150 pounds – by watching my portions, moving more, and sticking to the Weight Watchers guidelines. I may still live in a state of self-delusion, but this girl is now far closer to the size 8 in the mirror than ever before.

what?!

can someone please explain to me how exactly it got to be the 8th day of july? because the last time i checked, i was wearing sweaters and snowboarding. and it was march.

my month of travel in june is finally over, though, and for that, i can't be happier. it's hard to be on the road all the time and still take care of yourself. and to think that i actually thought about looking at college admission jobs again this morning. i can't stand 3 trips in one month - 2 of them for pleasure - how on earth did i handle being gone every week for 4 months? sheesh - no wonder i gained 50 lbs between graduation and joining WW. not to mention the 100 lbs i had gained between high school and college graduation. ay de mi.

someone asked me last night why i'm not dating anyone. the truth? i have yet to see anyone really think that i'm cute and want to talk to me. so i'm still not confident that anything i've been doing has changed the way the world perceives me. i want to start dating - i just have to figure out how to go about it. we'll see what happens.