bored

i've fallen into some pretty bad old habits the last couple weeks. i mean stopping at DQ for a blizzard bad habits. not stopping when i'm full bad habits. pretending like i've learned nothing in the last 2.5 years bad habits. it's frustrating, given that somewhere in my head, i believe that i really do want to get to goal, but frankly, i feel like i am fighting a losing mental battle. i've got this sense of entitlement - and boredom - that i am having a hard time combating.

while weekends haven't really been an issue before, now something in my head is saying, "hey, you've been great all week - why not an extra few points on the weekend?" or, even worse, the "you've already blown it today - just have a little more" voice. i've stuck to my diet all week - OF COURSE i can have some cake. and some ice cream. and not track it. i'm jealous of my skinny friends, eating what they want and knowing when to stop when they're full. i'm comfortable with my boyfriend who loves me just as i am - not because of the size my pants are or because i'm a certain weight. and i'm frustrated that i do so much to be healthy and he doesn't seem to care about what he does or how much he eats - and because he doesn't care what the scale says for him, he doesn't obsess over it like i do. i'm angry that i'm confined to a certain number of points a day and that i feel like it's actually impeding my life (finally). i'm angry that the food i love - the cheese and the bread and the sweets and the fried chicken - are high in fat and will always be my downfall.

i don't like to admit it, but i'm feeling bored with WW. the shiny glow has finally worn off after 2.5 years, and my honeymoon stage is officially over. you want to know the problem is? i don't know how being 150ish is going to be any different than being 170ish, and the motivation to get to 150 is gone. how is 20 more lbs really going to feel different?

i'm a visualizer, but i can't visualize how 150 is different from 170. is it really?