things i should have addressed yesterday

i consistently write notes on facebook that really have nothing to do with anything specific. sometimes they're about articles i've read, or events in my life, or just random thoughts that have bubbled forth into written form. yesterday i wrote an open letter to my "children," or rather my friends who are not being particularly friend-like as of late. this was all prompted because one of my closest friends canceled plans for the 2nd time in a week, and was putting her EX-boyfriend ahead of us (who, incidentally, dropped everything to take her to dinner on her birthday when the asshole broke up with 2 days prior). granted, there is a lot backstory here that i'm not going to share, but it came down to the fact that she was choosing he who broke her heart over they who helped fix it. anyway, this prompted a nice facebook note about being done - how it was time someone appreciated me and decided that i was most important. even though i wrote it out there, i guess i didn't realize how upset and hurt i really was. not until around 9 when i got around to tracking my dinner points.

my roommate and i made breakfast for dinner - pancakes and bacon and fruit. and i ate 6 slices of bacon (well, 12 half-slices, because i cook bacon only in halves) without even realizing it. i just ate. it was delicious and accessible and damn it, if she wasn't going to be there to eat, i was going to eat it for her just to prove to her that she missed a delicious meal.

one of the big things i've been trying to learn through WW is how to curb emotional and celebratory eating. we all do it. got a promotion - let's go out for a good dinner and drinks! bad day at work - bring on the chocolate and pint of ice cream. lonely - eat a bag of chips. everything is punctuated with food. i was trying to make myself feel better, and make my friend feel guilty (even though she didn't know i was eating the bacon), and i was going to do it with food.

i'm frustrated that i didn't recognize that i was emotionally eating. i need help working on recognizing it before it happens; or at least while it's happening so i can nip it in the bud. hindsight is 20/20, but how can i work on becoming a new me if i just fall into my old habits when i'm tired or upset or lonely? or even happy, for that matter?