some things never change

i love going back and looking at my old posts. and then laughing because some things never change. the last time i posted, i was in the middle of a food frenzy, prior to the holidays even setting in. now i'm here, on the other side of the holidays, and feeling like i'm in exactly the same place i was 6 weeks ago. except about 5 lbs lighter. and i'm not complaining about that.

i went berserk with the food consumption again last night. can't pinpoint a trigger, but do know that i was craving something. i couldn't put my finger on what exactly it was, so i started with a bit of ice cream, and ended up with cereal, cookies, cheese, and countless other things. feeling guilty, i did my best to track what i ate, but i'm sure i missed things. i'm through my WPA, and into my APs for the week, so i have to be good. i'm on plan for today - i have to resist the chocolate at grandma's for dinner. and stay out of the kitchen when i get home.

i have a weird new mindset that's popped up - basically, i feel like if i've earned APs in a day, i'm justified in going over my daily allotment. while this is okay, and almost actively encouraged by WW, this is not an okay justification for my binging. especially because i'm almost always NOT hungry. i'm eating to eat - and frankly, that's what got me in trouble in the first place!

seems like i've reached a place where it's time to start really delving into the psychology behind my eating, especially my snacking. eating to live is one thing, and enjoying a snack or two isn't a problem. but it's time to find something to do other than eat when i'm watching TV. some high quality self-monitoring needs to happen!